New step parents need to be aware that stepchildren may not accept you right away and that it may take some time. Often times these children will be adjusting to having lost their parent in a divorce which can be hard to take. This will be a challenge for many new stepparents who find it difficult to blend into this new family.
Basically, how old your stepchildren are will determine how you interact with them. Obviously, the younger the child is, the easier it will be. A baby or a toddler will come to regard you as their primary parent and will probably not remember their bio parent. When you are considering marrying someone who already has children, it?s important to think seriously about what your responsibilities will be ahead of time. You may find yourself cast in the role of a friend, or advisor, more so than of a substitute parent if your step-kids are older. The original parent of teen-aged stepchildren in any new marriage will most likely be the primary parent with the stepparent assuming a supporting role. To be sure, each family faced with these same circumstances will have different needs, but the age of the stepchildren will be the deciding factor in how you handle your step-parenting role.
It helps immensely if you are blessed with an abundance of patience. This is a vital character trait you will be called upon to exhibit. Your acceptance by your stepchildren can usually take a while, so don?t think they will just accept you immediately. In many cases, whether one of the parents has died or there was a divorce, the child will be missing that parent and may even resent you for trying to take his or her place. It?s important to continue to patiently advance your efforts to bond with the child, but you have to be careful not to be too aggressive. In time, the child will relax and accept you. This will come more easily if you just assure them you don?t plan to replace their biological parent, but you are there for them whenever they need you.
Whenever the subject of the natural parent is being discussed, you have to be very careful what you say. Don?t think that just because the bio parent has died that they don?t play a part in the life of your stepchild. That couldn?t be further from the truth. When your new spouse is divorced, he or she may still be the victim of unresolved feelings about their former partner. This can be a very sticky situation for you, as the stepparent. It?s not your place to state an opinion about a natural parent who mistreated the kids. You should stay neutral on the subject or even be a little positive if you must say something. You should always respect the fact that this person was the child?s original parent and not try to diminish their role (or memory) in any way. Parenting stepchildren is a little different than parenting your own, yet it is still a skill that you can utilize an acquired over time. The above tips can be useful to make this transition easier, but you also need the ability to be flexible and go with the flow in a new family environment. Being accepted by the step children in this new family environment will come with time, especially if you do your best to be a great role model and are very patient.
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